Diary Room Entries #11

[Rhian]

GOSH! That Head of Household competition had me shaking the entire way through, you have no idea. My hands were honestly trembling as I tried to get the pictures. I wanted this so bad. So, so bad. I want to make sure that Ed leaves this week. He's honestly the one person I see interfering with future competition victories. If he goes now, I feel like I'll have the full loyalty of GinaMarie, Jade will feel detached, and I'll also scoop up and keep Helen close by my side moving forwards. Now that I have power, I have to make sure what I want to see happen, happens. It's too late in the game to fumble the ball.

Helen and I had a long talk about how we wanted to see Ed go up and out this week. We were on the same page. As results were being revealed, we were basically holding each other and waiting and waiting and waiting [thanks, Stella!] I think I could've been okay had Helen won, but I'm glad it was me because I didn't want to be a paranoid mess all day waiting for nominations. GinaMarie and I had a loud celebration in the storage room, basically shimmying all over. If not obvious, my nominations are going to be Ed and Jade.

It'll be a betrayal, sure. What can I do, though? Ed in my eyes is my largest obstacle. He can excel at competitions near the end, he's really close to my number one ally, and I feel like he's really reaped the benefits of coming far in this game because GM and I have protected him. If he were to make the end, the whole thing could be twisted into him controlling GM and I and keeping him safe while he kicked back. I want him gone. I want GM to myself. I want to fracture any possible relationship Ed and Jade made. It'll come down to the Veto. I'm just hoping that I can win this. I want a clean sweep, clean break.

[Estelle]

[Rhian]

I'm glad we had to wait almost a full day for Jade to go, do it incorrectly, bitch about how she did it .. just to have Ed win. It's really a let down, to be honest. This is the first time in the game where something truly didn't go my way. This is why Ed is the one that needed to go. I knew he was going to be an obstacle for me, and i struck way too late. I wish that Peter had felt more comfortable backdooring him two weeks ago and that Helen would've been on board. It just sucks. This is where I get super depressed and feel like, I don't know, crying behind the couch. Ed knows I'm after him now. I'm his designated target.

it sucks because I really didn't want to see Helen leave this week either, but she definitely is. I think it's probably the smarter choice because she's better than Jade at challenges for the most part, but it's sad. Helen's honestly a really sweet person and she wanted to make it to the F4 and I told her that she would, that she'd make it, that we'd get Ed out this week. But nope! I just hope Helen doesn't take this the wrong way: me nominating her. She has to know that I'm closer to GinaMarie. Everybody does by this point. GinaMarie told me she'd vote how I wanted, and I just said that Helen's the bigger competition threat.

I only have one shot next round. My one shot is going to be in the Power of Veto competition. If I can win that, then I'll guarantee my safety and be the sole vote for the round. I have to win it. I have to, that's unless GinaMarie is Head of Household and won Power of Veto too. Ed and Jade can't win anything next week. They just can't. If Ed wins HOH, it's immunity, and he's guaranteed himself F3 where he will no doubt kill endurance and last a lifetime. GinaMarie has been trying to cheer me up, but I seriously can't even tolerate comfort.

[Rhian]